It’s more blessed to give – really?

This was the topic of my newsletter. From the number of responses I’ve gotten appeared to hit a nerve!  Is it more blessed to give? to receive? neither? both? Love to hear from you!

Helping – continued

There’s a story I once read about a man who wanted to help a butterfly he believed was struggling to get out of its cocoon. So he cut the end of the cocoon to make it easier for the butterfly to get out. The butterfly got out, spun in a circle and died.  Turns out it needed the ‘struggle’ to strengthen its wings to fly. How do we judge when help is actually needed or was just our perception?

Here’s something I noticed when I stopped ‘helping.’  Often while I was trying to help someone or show them ‘the error of their ways’ they fought me on it. No matter how logical I was or how convincing, they just didn’t get it; even as I tried to corral all the evidence while still ‘helping’ them or doing it for them. In fact sometimes, at some point, there were several who expressed resentment even though they may have asked for my help in the first place.

When I stopped ‘helping,’ when I let them be responsible for their own decisions and how they did things, something interesting happened. Either:

a. I learned a new way that I hadn’t consider before or

b. as they started doing it themselves they came to the same conclusions I had and started telling me how it should be done often in the same words I had told them!

It was almost as though by ‘helping’ I had robbed them of a piece of what they needed to experience. And while I was ‘helping’ them, or robbing them of their experience, they fought me about what or how it should be done. Once I got out of the way we got along just fine and came to agreement whether they did it the way I did or not.

Have you had a similar experience?

Community

Being part of a community is something that grows rather than something that just happens. It comes with having a place where we feel safe and accepted enough to share who we are. The more we share the more we add to the life of the community and the more we become know and understood. As others share we begin to know them too and the more we learn about each other the more our original prejudices and perceptions fall away as we realize that there is more about us that is alike than different.

I’ve had the gift of being part of several communities over my lifetime. A friend I haven’t heard from in 10 years just called me. We talked like we were together yesterday. When we really connect through community we know each others heart and soul. What happened on the outside is secondary, they are who they are and that’s all that matters.

What’s your experience?

(Picture permission and credit: Chuck Whitmore, http://whitworld.webnode.com. Thanks Chuck!)

Ready for Love?

Loving ourselves is often the hardest thing of all, yet we can’t really love anyone else until we do. How can we give what we don’t have?

See the February newsletter for more on this at   http://lists.webvalence.com/sites/NotesFromNancy/

Come and share: how do you treat yourself poorly and refuse to love yourself?
Are you willing to love yourself? What’s difficult about it?
What would you do differently if you truly loved yourself?

Ready for Change?

In my January newsletter (available at www.nancybaker.com/newsletter/archives) I talked about being the change you want to see in the world.

So what are the things that are bugging you about the way the world is now?

Here’s some to get started with
tight economy
grouchy people
no time
senseless suffering

Let’s share here and learn from others.
How do these reflect what you’re doing in your life?
Not sure? Ask the group here!